You Were Always On My Mind
by Mettespo
Summary: What if...?
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

Mac had secluded herself to one of the dark booths at Hang Chew's, leaving Will sitting at the bar. She was holding on to her drink, but only stared into the glass. She didn't feel like mingling with her team, so she had decided to sit here in solitude.

She was still thinking about this moment she had just had with Will. He had pretended to only praise the rendition of the song, but she knew that it had been more.

_You __A__re __A__lways __O__n __M__y Mind..._

She had seen it in his eyes. She had seen how much he wanted her, how much he missed her, what he felt for her, but also the pain he was still feeling. And although their relationship had improved over the last months, he hadn't shown any sign that he was ready to forgive her.

If she could only help him to forget the past...

Mac sighed and finally tasted her drink.

What if...? What if the past wasn't overshadowing and… and yes, tainting everything?

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

_**2 weeks later**_

Mac had had a terrible day at work and had decided that she needed a drink, but as she did not want to run into anyone from the staff right now, especially her inquisitive friend Sloan, she had gone to a different bar than their usual hangout. Now the events from earlier this evening replayed in her head.

„_Fuck off, Will! You know what? Keep that up and I will be glad if you fire me at the end of the week!"_

__Storming out of his office she had gone straight to the control room for the usual post-show checks. She was fuming after Will had done everything he could to ignore and contradict her during the show earlier; he had gone rogue and pursued a completely different road than they had discussed before.__

__Yes, they had had an argument during the day's rundown meetings,_ and she had overruled him on how to deal with a report Don had produced on the case of Troy Davis, but that was no reason to ruin the complete show and blame _her_ for it afterwards. Only because Will as a lawyer had another view of the legal side, it did not mean that his opinion was the only one that was valid. And even if he did not respect her point of view, he should at least acknowledge that she was one of the best EPs in the business and knew what the fuck she was doing! Tomorrow she would definitely..._

„Hi there, can I maybe buy you a drink?"

Disrupted by these words Mac looked up, only to see the man she was mad at standing in front of her, irrefutably the last person she had expected here. Simply staring at him she wasn't able to utter a single word, but her face clearly showed her current mood and newly added confusion. What was he doing here?

Will smiled, although hecouldn't completely hide his nervousness. „I've been sitting over at the bar and noticed that you are also here on your own. And what is sadder than drinking alone?"

Still perplexed she finally managed to nod and scooted over a little to let him sit down next to her in the booth, taking her drink with her.

Sitting down he put his own glass on the table, but left a respectable distance between them. „Thank you. My name is Duncan." He extended his hand and waited for her to take it.

To say Mac was surprised would be a major understatement, but Will's face didn't give anything away. He still smiled affably, waiting for her response.

Finally she swallowed and hesitantly shook his hand. _What kind of game was he playing?_

„I'm Ma..." She paused. She didn't know what he was up to, but this didn't feel like a prank to her. Maybe she should play along and see where this was going. „Morgan. My name is Morgan."

„Nice to meet you, Morgan."

.

* * *

More to come in good time - I just wanted to get this going.


	2. Chapter 2

_Will was sitting at the bar and absently tried to dry off his shirt and pants with a napkin while his eyes followed MacKenzie who had finally, after a seemingly endless time, broken their eye conversation with a shrug, but also the hint of a smile. The song had ended, and when he hadn't moved she had turned around to walk to the back of the bar._

_All _he_ had been able to do was stare after her._

What the fuck had just happened?

_For a moment he had been catapulted back to the past and lost himself in those eyes that at one time had been home for him, his pool of strength. What he had seen in them now was the same as he had seen back then – love – and he was certain that his own eyes had sent the same message to her._

_But this time it all had been mixed with the pain of everything that had been happening between them in the past. And there had also been doubt, if they could ever trust each other completely again. Of course his own doubt whether she would maybe betray him again, but also Mac's doubt if he would lash out at her or punish her again the next chance he got._

_This moment just now had shown him again, how much he still wanted her. How much he still loved her. But the doubt was never far away, and he knew that meant that he hadn't forgiven her, as much as he wanted to. Because if he had, wouldn't he be able to trust her as he had before?_

_He just didn't know if he ever would be able to do that again._

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

„So, Morgan...," Will-Duncan lifted the glass in his hand to his lips without drinking from it yet. „...do you live in the Big Apple or are you just here for a visit? You have a lovely British accent."

Mac didn't answer immediately. She didn't have the faintest idea where this was going, so she had to play it by ear and follow his lead. Apparantly they really were supposed to pretend to be complete strangers, so she shrugged. „Well, I was born in the US and also spent my early years here. And yes, I live in New York. What about you?"

„Same, but originally I'm from Nebraska."

„Ah… And what brought you here… Duncan?"

„Work, what else." Now it was Duncan's turn to shrug. „I'm a lawyer."

„Oh, one of those..." Mac dared to give him a cautious grin. „Are you working for one of the big law firms?"

„No, not at the moment."

Nodding Mac fixed her gaze on her drink which unfortunately was nearing its end, so she looked for the waitress. Duncan however had already lifted his arm.

„Let me get that. More of the same?"

When she nodded he placed her order and got another Bourbon for himself, before they both sat in silence. Duncan's face still gave nothing away, and as Mac didn't want to say anything wrong, she rather said nothing at all than bring up the wrong topic. She waited for his next move, but when it came, she still was none the wiser as to whether he was simply making small talk or was following an agenda.

„What do you do for a living?"

Mac remained quiet for a moment, but then she decided that whatever came up, she would not lie or make anything up. „I'm an executive producer at ACN. You might know the show, Newsnight with Will McAvoy."

„Can't say I do, sorry. I normally watch CNN."

„Then you're missing out on something good; you should check it out."

Duncan smiled. „Maybe I will, now that I know who's behind it."

_Will was actually flirting with her!  
_Mac's inside began to tingle, and although she started to feel a bit more on safer ground, she was still far from being comfortable. He really seemed to want to talk about their lifes, but that didn't mean she knew how far she could go.

„If you are interested in real news and what's going on in the world, you won't be disappointed. However, if you like the shot of an empty runway, where Air Force One is about to land, be presented as ‚breaking news', than you should stick to what you know."

Realizing that she sounded somewhat snippy and condescending she apologized. „Sorry, I'm not good company tonight."

„Bad day at work?" Duncan sounded sympathetic.

„Tell me about it..." Mac rolled her eyes and sighed.

„Well, _you_ could tell me about it. Sometimes it helps to talk about such things with someone who isn't involved." Duncan didn't elaborate and let his words linger in the air, while not giving away for a split second that he knew exactly what she was referring to.

_Okay, if he really wanted to go there, she sure __as hell__ was game…_

„Let's just say my anchor is quite a piece of work. He's a good guy, but sometimes he has trouble… mmh… getting his priorities straight..."

„Hmm… Well, I'm sure he's sorry about whatever he's done, but yeah… Sounds like you have your work cut out for you." Duncan swirled his drink around in the glass to avoid looking at her.

„Definitely!" Mac was reassured by the fact that he hadn't gotten angry at her words _(__y__et?__)_ and she laughed quietly, thererewith tacitly accepting Will's apology for tonight's show.

„What about you? Are you working alone?"

„Actually, Morgan, I am working with a team, led by the most brilliant… paralegal I could wish for. I certainly wouldn't be able do it without her." He paused for a second. „To be honest, she puts me on the right track quite often and doesn't let me get away with my shit."

Feeling her cheeks blush Mac quickly looked down at the table to hide the smile spreading across her face until she could contain it. „That… that is very nice of you to say. I hope she appreciates it."

Duncan stayed quiet for a long time, and Mac had already started to wonder if she had said something wrong, when he finally spoke. „You know, I am not sure I have ever told her..."

„Oh… Well, you should. I'm sure she'll be happy to hear it." This time Mac openely smiled at him.

„Yeah, maybe I should." Avoiding her eyes, Duncan finished his drink and seemed to make a decision.

„Listen, Morgan, it's time for me to go…" Mac's stomach dropped. „...but I would like to meet you again."

She secretely sighed in relief and her smile widened. „I think I would like that."

::::::::::::::::::::::::

Will had come home from the bar and sat out on the terrace, pondering over the events that had led to him approaching Mac tonight in the way he did.

„_How the fuck am I supposed to forgive her? How do I do it?"_

_Will was at his weekly therapy session and had just talked about what had happened at the bar a few days before. Jacob Habib leaned back in his chair and looked at him. „Do you _want_ to forgive MacKenzie?"_

„_Of course I do, what a question!"_

_His therapist smiled mildy. „Are you sure? What if I tell you that people often _think_ they want something, but in reality they are rather comfortable with the situation they are in, because it gives them an easy excuse. They don't have to look at themselves as part of the problem and can blame everything on the other side."_

_Will remained quiet and thought about what he had just heard. Could it be that he actually _didn't _want to forgive Mac, but was only trying to avoid looking at his own role in this whole mess?_

_He shook his head. It hadn't been his fault that she had cheated on him and ruined everything in the process, so he didn't have to look for excuses to not forgive her. After all, he had never stopped loving her, and he wanted to have another chance. He spoke quietly. „Yes, I want to be able to forgive her."_

_Habib nodded. __„__Okay. So w__hat __is it that __makes it so hard for you to forgive her?"_

_His counterpart predictably jumped at his question. „You know the reason. She fucking betrayed me."_

„_That is Will talking."_

„_Who else would be talking?" Will frowned._

„_I don't know, but you are so fixated on your own narrative, that you can't see anything else. It might help to look at the situation from a different angle, a new perspective. Be open for a different point of view, don't only focus on yourself. This might help you to better understand what has happened back then, and that would be a first step to forgiveness."_

„_And just _how_ the fuck am I supposed to do that?" Will sounded dismissive and glared at his psychiatrist. Honestly, had he ever given him less helpful advice?_

„_I don't know; you have to figure that out for yourself," Habib admitted. „But I am starting to doubt that you will ever get to where you want to be, if you don't find a way."_

Will had thought long and hard about Jack's words; how he needed to try and find a way to keep his own perspective out of what had happened six years ago. But all he had been able to come up with was that Habib had been correct. As long as ‚Will' was trying to work through it, his feelings of betrayal and hurt would always get in the way. That pained him more than he liked to admit, but he had no solution for this problem.

Then, a few days later, he had received a letter from his insurance company, and, holding it in his hand, his full name had caught his eye. William Duncan McAvoy.

The beginning of an idea started to blossom within him.

He was not only Will, he also was Duncan!

Maybe Duncan could manage to do what Will couldn't?

It had taken him another three days to pluck up the courage to actually go through with the plan he had developed, and he was immensely grateful that Mac was so unbelievably smart and had seemingly _known_ that it would be a lot easier for him if Duncan wasn't facing MacKenzie.

And now Duncan was going on an official date with Morgan in just a couple of nights.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3  
**

After a restless night Mac went to work early Friday morning, curious if Will would say anything about what had happened the evening before. She herself had hardly slept at all, but tossed around in her bed and pondered over the events at the bar.

She still didn't quite understand Will's intention, but she had a feeling that somehow he was looking for something different, something that would maybe help with a new start. What she didn't know, however, was why he introduced himself as Duncan.

She had been absolutely confused when he had shown up at her table and had only focused on not messing up, which was especially difficult because she didn't know what exactly Will had been expecting from her. Now she was waiting for him to come in to work.

After returning from a meeting with graphics she was out in the bullpen, talking to Jim, but apparently not as focused as usual. When he noticed her eyes falling on the entrance for the umptiest time, not answering his question, he finally asked. „Are you alright, Mac?"

„What?" She turned her head. „Yes, yes, of course."

„You're sure? You seem to be distracted, are you waiting for someone?"

„No, I'm right here." Mac deliberately turned her back to the door. „When do you think you'll have an answer from the governor's office?"

„I'm hoping in time for the pitch meeting. I think we…" Jim stopped when Will entered the room, and Mac turned around again. He strolled towards his office, wishing the staff a good morning and then looked at his EP, nodding in her direction „Mac."

„Will." It took her a moment, her gaze following him, but then she concentrated on Jim again to finish their conversation. Of course Will wouldn't say anything when others were around.

Once they had settled the last details for the pitch meeting she went back to her office, only to stop dead in her tracks on entering. A huge, beautiful flower arrangement was sitting on her desk - a mix of white and apricot lilies, some of her favourite flowers.

Her heart suddenly beat faster and she slowly walked towards it, not being able to explain her hesitancy. She was certain she knew who had sent it and admired the delicate blossom, when her eyes deteced a small envelope hidden between them. For a sweet moment she prolonged the feeling of being so obviously courted, but then she couldn't resist anymore and opened it to read the words

„_I had a lovely evening. Thanks, D."_

A wide smile spread across her face and she felt a warm tingling run through her body, but before she could consider what this meant, she heard somebody open the door.

„A little birdie has told me that there's been an interesting delivery?" Sloan, of course. Mac didn't answer, but when her friend got a look at Mac's desk she squealed. „Kenzie! Those are _beautiful_!"

Mac blushed heavily and didn't react quickly enough to prevent Sloan from snagging the card from her hand.

„Whose D.?" Suddenly her eyes grew big. „Not _Don_, right?"

Sloan's expression would have been funny if Mac hadn't known about the tentative relationship between Don and Sloan. She had to nip any misunderstanding right in the bud and sighed. „The flowers are from somebody I met the other night. So no, not Don."

„Really?" The economist excitedly leaned forward. „Do tell!"

„There is nothing to tell. We've got to talk at a bar and it was a nice evening."

„Oh… What bar? And are you going to meet him again?"

Blushing even more Mac gently touched one of the white petals. „Tomorrow."

„That is so great, it's time you finally got out of your doghouse!" Sloan actually grinned. „So who is it?"

If that was even possible Mac would say that her friend sounded even more excited than herself, but sure as hell she would not let her in on whatever game Will was playing. „I won't tell you that, bad luck, Murphy's law, take your pick."

„Oh, come on, Mac! You know that I have to live my life through others…" Sloan pouted, but then raised her eyebrows when a thought occured to her. „You must really like him, when you are seeing him again, hm?"

Mac smiled bashfully and looked at the flowers again, shrugging. „He seems to be nice."

„So do you want me to join you and sit nearby to keep an eye on you?" Sloan sounded almost eager, but Mac didn't even have to think about it, her head coming up.

„Definitely not! I am not going to play your Saturday night entertainment." She smirked. „Why don't you ask Don out on a date?"

Shooting her an warning glare Sloan crossed her arms before her chest. „This is not about me, so tell me."

„No." Mac walked around her desk and sat down. „Do you already know how many minutes you'll need tonight?"

For a moment Sloand tried to stare the answer out of her friend, but finally she relented . „Five minutes at least… This isn't over, you know?"

Mac sighed while she watched Sloan leaving the room. Didn't she know it...

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

She didn't see Will again until the pitch meeting, where he appeared a few minutes late and dropped into his seat. When he didn't say anything, this time _she_ acknowledged his presence with a simple „Will", only to get another „Mac" in return.

They started the meeting with a follow up on the script he had shown her at the bar about a couple of weeks ago, demanding to see the memorandum on drone use and other counterterrorism policies of the administration, followed by compiling a list of possible guests to be booked by Kendra.

The rest of the time Will was mostly quiet, and it continued like that for the rest of the day. He acted completely normal, as if nothing unusual had happened, and it was starting to drive Mac crazy. What the hell was she supposed to make of all this?

She couldn't wait for the last show of the week to end, to be able to go home and think everything through some more. When Will handed off to Washington she sighed with relief and quickly left the control room to get her things.

Successfully avoiding to run into her anchor on the way out, she stepped onto the elevator, politely smiling at the other people inside. On the way down she suddenly thought that maybe she could go to Hang Chew's; maybe ‚Duncan' would show up again, but then she shook her head. They had a date tomorrow night, and she didn't think that Will would deviate from his plan.

Once at home, though, sitting on the couch with a glass of red in her hand, her mind went into a completely different direction. What if Will didn't show up tomorrow?

Okay, he had sent the flowers, but otherwise hadn't given her any indication that he remembered what had happened the night before, not even a smile in an unobserved moment, let alone had he addressed the date directly. What if he'd had a blackout or, even worse, had simply been playing with her?

Mac shook her head. No, he wouldn't do that. He had seemed sincere, and even though she didn't know his end game… They had gotten so much closer during the last months and were past the time where he deliberately hurt her.

She sighed.  
Patience had never been her strong suit, but this time she didn't have a choice but to wait.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The following night she slept better, though the bottle of wine she had emptied by herself might have contributed to that. When she woke up the next morning her thoughts immediately returned to the looming date, and a definite nervousness pooled in the pit of her stomach. How was she supposed to get through the day?

In the end she decided to go for a workout at the ACN gym, which was mostly empty, seeing that it was a weekend day. She ran her usual eight miles on the treadmill and then exercised another half hour on the elliptical, before ending her training on the bench.

Wiping the sweat of her face with a towel she decided that she was still a little anxious, but powering herself out had somewhat eased that feeling, and she felt prepared to take on the rest of the day.

When she got home it was early afternoon, and she spent the next couple of hours going through her beauty regiment, before sitting down with some papers she had brought from work. Her attempt to distract herself was mostly futile, though, and her thoughts went back to Will again and again.

_F__inally_ it was time to get ready.  
Following a sudden inspiration she had suggested to meet ‚Duncan' at the restaurant, so that he would not read her first name on the door bell and could keep thinking of her as Morgan. Even if she still didn't know anything about his plan – by God, she hoped he _had_ one – she knew it was important to him, and she didn't have any problem to go along with it for now.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Except for the workout Will's day had been similar to Mac's. Instead he had spent a lot of time on his terrace, looking up into the sky with his cigarettes nearby and trying to bring some order into his thoughts.

He knew that Mac had been confused at work the day before, but he intentionally had mentioned neither the evening before nor tonight's date, to not destroy the illusion of going out with a stranger. But he had noticed that Mac had enjoyed the flowers he had sent her on a whim and was glad that he had done it.

During the course of the day he had wondered several times why he hadn't asked her out for Friday night, instead of waiting another day with no idea how to pass the time until then, but it had been done and he had to stick with it.

He was tempted to work out a script for the evening, like he did every night for his show, but then decided to play it by ear. Not knowing how ‚Morgan' would react to anything he might say, he couldn't risk to be flustered if her answers didn't follow anything he had worked out beforehand.

Finally it was time to go and he called a cab.

When he arrived at the restaurant his date was already sitting at the bar, wearing a cleverly cut dress that revealed the full length of her legs, and he took a moment to calm himself down. After a couple of deep breaths he walked over to her and sat down beside her.

„Hello, Morgan."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Mac turned around, when she heard Will's voice, and gave him a nervous smile. „Hello Duncan, right on time."

„Still, sorry for making you wait."

„That's okay, I've only just got here." She appreciatively let her eyes run up and down and was pleased that he had apparently borrowed one of her favourite suits from wardrobe for this evening. Or, seeing that it was a Saturday, maybe he had acquired the identical garment for his private collection. „Thank you for the flowers."

„You're very welcome. I hope you like them." Will-Duncan raised his arm to signal the bartender.

„I do. Actually, lilies are among my favourites." She decided to push him a little and went on. „Funny, though, I don't remember us talking about my taste in flowers."

He blushed slightly, but tried to cover it with a smile. „I guess I was lucky."

When the bartender came over to them he ordered a Bourbon after making sure that Mac's glass was still almost full. „So, how was your day, Morgan?

She would not let him know how nervous she had felt about this date, so she just smiled. „Good. I got to exercise a little and finished up some work that was long overdue."

He nodded approvingly. „I watched your show last night, and I actually liked it."

Mac's smile grew. „Thanks, but don't sound so surprised."

„I thought this McAvoy-guy was good, you didn't promise too much."

„He has his moments." Her reply was dry. _Was he really fishing for compliments?_

Duncan smirked and raised his glass in a toast. „I'm sure he does. I hope it's not to difficult to keep him in check."

Before Mac could answer a waiter came to guide them to their table, and she used the moment to compose herself for the rest of the evening. She had a feeling that something could happen, and not knowing what clearly made her feel the disadvantage she was at, leaving part of her tense and cautious.

Once they were seated Duncan, after having checked whether she would prefer red or white, chose a bottle of wine, and then they were left with the menus. It took neither of them long to make their choice and place their orders, followed by a moment of silence when the waiter had left.

Finally Duncan took a deep breath. „Well, I'm really happy that you agreed to go out with me tonight… Can I assume you are currently not in a relationship?"

Mac let out a laugh, that sounded more bitter than she had intended it to be. „No, I'm not."

„Bad experience?" Duncan managed to sound empathetic, and Mac closed her eyes for a second. _What did he want to hear from her?_

She decided to keep playing it safe. „Let's say, I don't really have a good track record in that respect."

„I can relate to that."

Mac, who had just picked up her glass, put it back down on the table, surprised that he apparently wanted to go deeper. Although, maybe she shouldn't be, considering the events of the last couple of days. „You do?"

Duncan nodded, but didn't say anything else, so after a moment's hesitation she decided to push him even more. „The paralegal you have been talking about last time? Is there something going on between you two?

„No…" His gaze fixed on the amber liquid in his glass, as if he was asking it for courage. Then he jumped. „We used to be a couple, but she broke my heart a long time ago."

Mac's own heart shattered once again at the pain in his voice, and she had to use all her willpower to not instinctively apologize to him and ruin this whole scenario they were playing out. She took several gulps, finishing her drink, before she dared to say something. „So how come you are still working with her?"

Duncan shrugged. „I didn't really have much of a choice; my partner hired her without my knowledge."

The slight amusement showing in his voice caught her off guard once more. Not that she had really expected anger or bitterness after the time that had passed and what they had made of the show, but humour definitely wasn't an emotion she would have anticipated to be part of Will's take on the situation. „Oh… How did that make you feel?"

He huffed. „What do you think, Morgan? Of course I was angry and pissed, but it's been years and we are doing okay now."

Slowly nodding Mac played with her empty glass. „So… during your break-up you never thought about… talking to her? Seeing her again to maybe work things out?"

Duncan was quiet for a very long time, and just when he wanted to speak he was interrupted by the waiter, who brought the wine and a platter of antipasti with ciabatta bread. With an apologetic smile Duncan lifted his glass in a toast, which she returned, and after they both had taken a sip of wine he cleared his throat.

„It wouldn't have been easy for me to see her; she left the country after our break-up. I guess I could have called her, but no..." he shook his head. „I wasn't ready back then."

„I imagine it must have been a very difficult time for you?" When Mac saw the pain flickering in his eyes, before he bowed his head in agreement, she couldn't hold back anymore. „I'm sorry."

These two sincerely spoken words gave him the option to take them as nothing else than sympathy from a stranger or more, if he wanted to, and she saw that he knew exactly what she was apologizing for.

She was grateful that he didn't show any resentment or even got upset, but he also did not reply, so she went on. „How is working with her then? Did it get better over time?"

She watched as Duncan chose a piece of bruschetta from the platter between them and took a bite, before answering. „Yeah, it's good. It was pretty difficult and weird at first, but we manage to make it work. Almost better than before, I'd say."

„That is great, I'm happy for you." Mac smiled widely, but didn't say anything more.

Both of them picked up their fork and took a few bites from the starters without any further talk, but then Duncan continued the conversation. „What about you? You've said it hasn't been all smooth sailing in your relationships?"

Her fingers clenched around her fork, before she forced herself to relax. „Yeah… I have been in several rather unhealthy relationships. And when I finally…" Mac went quiet for a moment before she swallowed and continued more hesitantly. „When I had found the right man, I messed it all up."

She saw that Duncan wanted to speak, but the words seemed to get stuck in his throat. After almost a minute of silence he shook his head. „Excuse me for a moment."

_Fuck, __had she said__ the wrong thing?_

She'd had the feeling that Will really wanted to talk, and after all it was him who had started on the subject of relationships… And now he already walked out on her, although they hadn't even gotten down to the details of what had happened back then?

She watched him walk to the men's room and refilled her glass that she had emptied minutes earlier. She knew that normally Will would take care of that, but he had obviously been too distracted to notice, not that she could blame him.

Finally, the main course had been served in the meantime, Will-Duncan returned and sat down, looking at her, while his posture was definitely more tense than it had been before. „What happened?"

„Are you sure you want to…?" When he nodded, she took a deep breath. „Okay… Well, in the beginning, when I had just started dating Will, that's his name, I… I cheated on him."

Duncan's hand gripped the knife in his hand tighter, but he didn't look away. „And you've told him?"

„Not right after, only later, when we had gotten much more serious. And then everything blew up." Mac's voice was quiet. _Will_ knew the story, but _Duncan_ would react like anybody who heard it for he first time, and she knew, that it was all on her. _She_ was the cheater, _she_ had ruined everything, so she had to accept any judgement of her behaviour and herself.

He was quiet for a while and Mac saw that he tried to compose himself. Swallowing hard he finally asked. „Why did you do it? What was your motivation? I can't imagine cheating on somebody I love."

_Okay, this was it. He had never wanted to know before, so no matter what came from this, it was progress. Now it was up to her._

„That's the point, Duncan... Back then I had still been hung up on my ex." She tried to catch his eyes, but he was looking at some point behind her head, so she went on. „I'm not saying this to vindicate myself, I absolutely messed up big time and it's the biggest regret of my life, but, you know, I had just gotten out of another, very unhealthy relationship, and I hadn't really…" She sighed. „I wanted to make my ex jealous, so I used Will to do that. And then, later, I realized that I had fallen in love with _him_, and from there on I never looked back."

Duncan, still averting his eyes, answered with a gruff voice. "People don't cheat in good relationships."

„But we _weren't_ in a real relationship back then. We were dating. At least that's how I had seen it at that time." ´Mac forced the lump in her throat down, that threatened to suffocate her. „I had never intended to hurt Will..."

„So why did you tell m… him?" For the first time since this part of the conversation had started, Duncan looked at her directly, and his voice carried the pain he still felt. „Did you want to break up with him?"

„Of course not!" Mac forcefully shook her head. „I Just… I had never been in a relationship like it. It had never gotten that serious before, and I thought it was what I was supposed to do. I learned the hard way that I was wrong."

She sighed again and lowered her eyes to her plate. She didn't know if anything she had said would make Will understand or maybe even help him down the road of forgiveness, but she had to try. In the end it was his decision how they would procede from this role play, and all that was left for her was hope.

Will was feeling a mixture of emotions, and while one part of him had to fight down the visceral anger that was threatening to break free at the thought of her cheating, Mac's sad and fatalistic expression also tore at his heart. But he had to stick to his adopted personality, so he forced himself to put Duncan front and center again.

„I'm sorry. It must have been hard." He was surprised that he hadn't actually choked on these words, and Mac's startled glance confirmed that she hadn't expected to hear them from him either.

„Thank you. But it's not that I didn't deserve it…"

„Mmmh…" Duncan decided to not comment on this remark for now. „Are you… Are you looking for somebody new?"

Mac shook her head, not needing to think about her answer. „No, not really. What about you? You must have women throwing themselves at you."

Duncan mirrored her movement. „I surely had my share of dates and…" His face took on an almost embarrassed look. „...not long ago I ended an attempt at a relationship that was… Let's say, it was a huge mistake."

Feeling a wave of relieve running through her, Mac managed to utter that she was sorry as well, and although she could see in his eyes that he didn't believe a word, he stuck to his role and thanked her.

Mac noticed that they both hadn't even touched their food yet and picked up her fork. „We should eat, before it's getting completely cold."

Duncan agreed, but before he took the first bite he spoke contritely. „I apologize for all my questions. Hopefully I did not ruin the evening?"

When Mac smiled and shook her head, his returning smile was geniunely hopeful. „Then..l Would it be too presumptuous of me to ask you out for dinner again? Maybe next week?"


End file.
